"So, earth you say? We'll see about that.. "

Next on the list of things to do: TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
ps. if you haven't checked out the sites in my PEEPS or Flippin' Sweet sections yet, then go hard.

Things to do

Here are a few things I have never done before but would like to someday. There are 28 to commemerate one month since the christening of my blogmanship.
01 - Make a tower out of desserts at a buffet.
02 - Tape open my eyes and see how long I can stay awake for.
03 - Dip a frozen banana in chocolate and nuts, then eat it.
04 - Pass out from G-forces.
05 - Grow a decent moustach.
06 - Crash a boat.
07 - Have a bust made of myself making a brilliant face that can serve as a candy dish.
08 - Read the Chronicles of Narnia series for the fourth time.
09 - Unite the clans.
10 - Write a song almost as good as "Roxanne". (By the PO-lice)
11 - Make a life-size portrait of myself shaking hands (roman-style) with Gary Busey.
12 - Make a number one summer jam.
(*note: 13 is omitted because there is no such thing as a thirteenth floor. )
14 - Meet Charles Grodin.
15 - Pull the toupe off an old man.
16 - Adopt a kid and train him up to be the most powerful jedi ever.
17 - Settle down in a little place called Catan.
18 - Appear as an extra in a major motion picture (preferrably in the Spy Kids series).
19 - Beat Charles Bronson at his own game.
20 - Go do something good in Africa.
21 - To ascertain a portrait of a black child's hand petting a dove.
22 - Create a new type of pudding. (is chocolate rasberry one yet?)
23 - Master the harmonica.
24 - Duct tape garbage bags all over myself, then covered in dish soap, slide down a dew covered hill. (Wait.. done that already...)
25 - Have a TV show on a local cable station.
26 - Pick whats behind door number 2.
27 - Rock someone like a hurricane.
28 - Get married and create life through the process of sexual intercourse.

"post script": My hope is that this made you think, "There are so many wonderful things I am missing out on in life." NOW GO, LIVE YOUR LIFE PEOPLE! SEIZE IT LIKE A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF TAPIOCA PUDDING! Inspired? Pfff, whatever, wanna fight about it?

Wrongs made right

I apologize but I have to make a couple of corrections to a previous post. (1) The hot foreign girl's name was not Evgelia, it's Evgenia. and (2) She's definately not married.
I was walking through the bay today(kyle was picking me up from a downtown appointment) and look who's working, Evgenia. So we start talking, no wedding band and long story short the lady that told us she was married thought she was helping her out. What a weirdo. So with these corrections in mind, she now has my number and hopefully a hot foreign style date will be on the way. KEEP POSTED, I'll let you know how it turns out.

"post script": We were talking about this situation at dinner tonight, and somewhere in there I said "Hey, let's not russian in to anything." Aha, if you know the contempt I hold for cheezy jokes and puns then you realize why this is actually funny.

The pen is mightier than the sword. Except in a swordfight.

"I AM EDWARD GRIMMELSON!" Haha I've just been waiting for an excuse to put this picture on here.

The Treacherous Tale of Edward Grimellson

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

White Ninja's Moustache

There were so many different pictures I could've put with this last blog. Some examples are: Foreign girls holding money, Will Ferrell, me looking like an idiot, a moustache collage (which is still a large possibilty) - multiple topics I think may warrant multiple pictures so stay tuned. But I felt for today I would spread the joy of White Ninja's Moustache.

Foreign girls and Free Money

I know, I know, the title itself is too intriguing, but don't worry I'll go easy on you. This blog is going to be a blog different from my normal posts, and disappointingly more like the ones everyone else posts. I'm just going to tell a little about things that have happened lately. There won't be many like this and if it gets long I won't blame you for skimming through to the parts you like.
Lets start with free money. Everyone says it doesn't exsist, BUT IT DOES! Want to know where it comes from? Alison will love this one, THE GOVERNMENT. Yah, sounds strange, but the GOV(as I now affectionately call it) is handing it out in handfuls like it's covered in leprosy. To clarify, I was calling various numbers to inquire about temporary work while I'm job searching. I called one and they gave me another number, which in turn gave me another number. The conversation was something like this... "Hey, my name's Rylan, and I'm just calling because the last number I called gave me this number. I've recently moved home and am looking for some temp. work to pay the bills while I'm job searching." -- "And whats your adress?" -- "Umm, Box 444 Dalmeny..." -- "And your full name.." -- ..I proceeded to answer his questions and he gave me a date and time along with adress to attend to. I went to the meeting and long story short... BAM, free money. Doesn't make sense? Doesn't really to me either. It's kind of an EI for those who can't get EI. Anyway, I was blown away by the amount they're giving me for FREE(it's not THAT much but it's freakin' free!), and by the resources available to those who may not have them, ex. computers, printers, resume makers, phone lines for messages, bus tickets and money for transportation: all straight up free. Couldn't believe it.
Next, foreign women. I'm going to start off by saying this is no insult to the women we have here, all fine 'n' dandy, but I'm sure even the ladies will agree with me on this. Recently, Jordan, Dean and I were checking out colognes at the Bay and the girl working was quite attractive. Good looking, great style... nice. But what really set the trap is the fact that she was from Russia and had an amazing accent. A HOT accent. Who knows why it is, but simple and plain there is an allure about accents. Her name was Evgelia, Eve for short. She was really friendly and actually thought we were funny which was nice. All a real nice bonus. Unfortunately, she was moving back to Calgary next month. Then as we were saying goodbye some weird older co-worker walks up and says, "She's married you know." Didn't really make a difference, but kind of burst the fantasy bubble. Too bad, nice girl -accents are hot. Then a couple days later we're walking down the street AND LOOK WHO IT IS , Eve. She smiled, said hi, and offered us a sesame snap. BAM!! Hot, good style, foreign, funny, AND gives me snacks? It was a situation like that that hurt the heart. In a way that we agreed after was good, and we would rather have that hurt than not have it at all. Anyway, I might write a song about the experience. It will either be called Eve or Accents are Hot.
Funny story, a bunch of us were at Beily's the other night - a crew of us are regulars for the Tuesday night live jazz. Being regulars, there is one waitress there who I have kind of gotten to know, so I told our waitress to tell Brandi(the waitress we kinda know) to come and say hi. So we get our food, we're eating and talking and here she comes walking towards our table. So I say, LOOK WHO IT IS! and right at that moment(without having heard me) she turns to the side and sits down at the table beside us and starts talking to the people there. Maybe not as funny to read, but we had a real good laugh. And by we I mean Jeremy and Jordan at me. Later she came and talked to us and I realized she didn't get the message from our server until after she had come to chat to the other people, but still that moment of slight embarrasment was hilarious.
Lastly, Moustaches. They are so awesome! If I could grow a nice one, I would have had it for weeks now. Thomas Miller posted that he will be growing one soon, and that brought joy to my heart. It made me realize that I again need to state, if you can grow a decent moustache.. LET IT GROW BOY, LET IT GROW!
To conclude, I apologize for the long one people, I usually don't have this much of an attention span.

"post script:"If you have ever been to the the-a-tre(say it with a snobby accent) with me then you probably know, I LOVE THE PREVIEWS. For your own well-being check out the the Will Ferrell movie trailers for Kicking and Screaming, and Bewitched, plus MUCH MUCH MORE!

How much do I love history? This picture shows how much. What else do I love? A big cup of bubble tea while listening to good music and watching a good fight. That would be entertaining. Who can deny the combination of tapioca balls, intellectual stimulation and blood? Answer me that!

"Post Script." Pastor Marv said "post script" in his sermon today. And also I didnt use any effects on this picture. Happy Kristy-Anne?

My love of History

Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?!

"Food for thought"
Going along with the theme of Food for Thought, here is one of my favourite quotes and there will be more to come. "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
Comment with some of your favourite quotes. The most comments so far is 7, I'm we sure can pack in more with a topic like this.
(Check out the new features on the sidebar, and if you have any suggestions for polls you would like, let me know.)

Food for Thought

Before you critcize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

p.s. Does anyone know what p.s. means?

Just like the bluebird of happiness and Gary Larson's chicken of depression, I named him the swallow of idiocy.  

"The crows seemed to be calling his name," thought Caw.

This Blog is about birds. Something happened just now that was pretty hilarious to me. I was sitting here by my computer at home, which is in our kitchen/dining room area and has a big window beside it, in case you didnt already know. I heard this thumping and turned around and looked but there was nothing. It happened a couple times and I assumed it was some fallen christmas lights or something. It happened again but this time I noticed a little bird standing on the edge of the window and then fly up and try and fly inside. It was pretty amusing. I kinda crept up expecting it to fly away, but instead it just tried even more violently to hammer through the window. It was funny but everntually as I tried to take picture of it, it took off. Here are some Jack Handy quotes about birds.
- Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
- How come the dove get's to be the peace symbol? How about pillows? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
- I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.
- We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from that last flap?
-Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
-It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate with me. I would see him fly into the house across the way, pick up the telephone, and dial. My phone would ring, and it would be him, but it was just this squawking and cheeping. "What? What?" I would yell back, but he never did speak English.
-If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys like me.

P.S. Leave a comment about what kind of bird YOU would like be and why. Haha like a kindergarten assignment. Those were the days. I also found this hilarious poem on the internet called Bird Cage

Oh and I realized I didn't put a picture with "Annabel Lee" so here it is. My brother Tyson took this one. He takes some pretty decent pictures.  

This is me reading up on some ancient wisdoms. I am so smart, I am so smart.. S M R T.. I mean S M A R T.. oh and by the way.. leave some comments please.. I'm obviously lonely here..  

Ancient Wisdom

I did a lil word association as a comment on Erin Rust's Blog the other day and it got me thinking... so I made these "revised proverbs", per say. (In a poor attempt to get some of you to leave freaking comments on here, two of the quotes are by Jack Handy, the rest are by me. You'll win a special prize if you can guess which two - Lynnel you don't count.)

A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush. But really, who wants bird crap on their hand. You know its gonna happen.

A closed mouth catches no flies. But where's the fun in that?!

If at first you don't succeed... just give 'er up man.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. "But dude seriously, its my last one."

Every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and angel gets set on fire.

Time heals all wounds. Unless its a fungus, in that case you should get that sucker checked out.

A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly. But then again monkeys are commonly known for having denial issues.

A penny for your thoughts. And a buck if you NEVER REPEAT THAT EVER AGAIN.

A soft answer turneth away wrath... But if you would've thought of that good comeback ten minutes ago you wouldn't feel like such an idiot.

A penny saved is a penny gained. But as I was playing the penny-in-water game at DQ, I just kept thinking, "one more try, man, one more try."

A cat has nine lives. But the cure for that is multiple bullets.

Curiosity killed the cat. Yeeaaaaah.. curiosity.... (The cat ones are for Aaron Jeanson)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. I wish God would've made a special fruit for annoying people.

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a... man also feels like vomiting.

Blood is thicker than water. But not thicker than pudding snacks. Hey, back off my puddin' pack, man!

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Haste makes waste. But then again, if you give it some time, it might work itself out.

Let sleeping dogs lie. But get the licking dog off my freakin lap, it's creepin me out.

Theres no time like the present. But there's always a possibility tomorrow will be better.

A dimple on the chin, the devil within. That's it. I just think that one's funny by itself.

Rome was not built in a day. But I bet if you tried real hard you could make something pretty fricken sweet outta macaroni in like 20 minutes.

The more the merrier. Unless you're talking about STD's, 'cause THAT could be a problem.

Two heads are better than one. If I had two heads I'd probably play a harmonica while eating jello.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;—
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingëd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre,
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:—
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
--Edgar Allen Poe

Creepy and sad, but still cool. I'm thinking of writing a song based on it.

This is from back in my truckin' days. I guess this really has nothing to do with family outings, but I'll try to have a picture with every blog. P.S. I have recently found joy in leaving comments on other peoples blogs and even my own. I think because it makes me look less pathetic than if I were to post 3 blogs a day. I suggest leaving comments so I can mock them at a later time. And if you go to other peoples blogs through my links and such you can read through my ingenius social commentaries I leave for them.

Family Vacation Memories

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.