If you don't think this is the greatest blog ever, I will fight you.

2006-11-20T13:05:00.000-06:00

where i live music pours through the air

2006-07-09T00:08:00.000-06:00

where i live
there is no day or night
all live in pure delight
skies twirl with colours bright
where i live
music pours
through every open door
upon its wings we soar
as it builds more and more
music pours
through the air
fly birds of purple shade
beyond the hills they fade
in creamy clouds they wade
through the air

In the bush.

2006-06-02T17:53:00.000-06:00

I am still alive, if you were wondering. I only have two minutes left on my internet card here at the Prince George Library, so I am taking this time to say hello to all those I have not talked to in a a long while. I hope everyone who still checks this is doing well. The rest of you can burn in hell. Im just kidding, it rhymes nice though. Well gotta run. Rylan

2006-04-16T04:54:00.000-06:00

2006-03-17T18:09:00.000-06:00

The End Pt 1

2006-03-16T16:20:00.000-06:00

Eyes dart, Hearts beat
Quick minds, Slow feet
Short words, Long pause
Mouths drop, Lost cause
Reach out, Once more
This time, Closed door
All fails, Hope's cast
Bridge burnt, Present past

"Soon we will all have to make the choice between what is right and what is easy."

2006-03-10T15:48:00.000-06:00

Rylan presents THE BATTLE OF THE CHARLES'!!!

2006-03-07T03:25:00.000-06:00

The day has come... parents hide your children, grannys hide your ears... the dawn of reckoning has begun!!! (i'm not sure what that means) IT'S THE BATTLE OF THE CHARLES'! (be sure to pronounce it Charles'es, its half the fun) I don't quite remember how this idea began but it had something to do with a random reference I made to Charles Grodin and I know Googling the name Charles played a big part. When I Googled images for the name Charles a few obvious ones popped up but then there was this shot of a random homie that made me laugh out loud. Anyway, I've been watching all the episodes of the old X-Men cartoon lately (which are AWESOME and totally underrated by the way) and that must be where I got the idea of forming teams of Charles' and making them battle each other. So on that note I should make an honorable mention of Charles Xavier leader of the X-Men, but I didn't feel that homie Charles would be much of a match up for him. I'm not going to spoil the ending and tell you who wins just yet. I'll let you mull it over a bit, but if you really think about it Bronson has a moustach, Dickens can summon the ghosts of Christmas, and Rays musical powers can outcool Princey any day.
On another note, I've been using a combo of iTunes and Limewire to find some new music so here some peoples to check out: The Meligrove Band, Rilo Kiley, Elbow, Nine Black Alps, Gang of Four, Imogene Heap, Arctic Monkeys, Ladytron, Thrice, We Are Scientists, Controller.Controller, and Andrew Bird................ Well, I hope alls well with everyone. Peace out kiddies. R.

[Postscript] Get these> Meligrove Band - Planets Conspire, Nine Black Alps - Unsatisfied, Imogene Heap - Hide and Seek, Andrew Bird - Sovay, The Mars Volta - Inertiatic ESP, Bruce Springsteen - I'm on Fire

2006-01-31T03:05:00.000-06:00

Because I like to put a picture with every post, here is a picture of Willem Dafoe as Jesus.

Also check out TheTunaFish.com It has some good-'uns.

The benefits of wasted time.

2006-01-31T02:28:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post something substantial tonight, but I really couldn't muster the effort. I've been trying to spend the motivation I have on recording and hopefully something will be presentable soon. However, my hours of wasted time looking at random blogs and stupid videos produced one gem. So for no other reason than to share this joy with you, I created this post.
Here it is: UrbanNinja

Enjoy people, and until next time, keep your nose clean.

[postscript]:// Sum moosik dats bin te'nin ma crank letly is: Gorillaz, Telepopmusik, the new Strokes, and Andrew Bird - so giv em' a whirl if ya lyke. An' wot de 'ell Word of the Day is Facetious. "Although Randy was being quite facetious, his comments still made me want to smack the stupid off his lips."

2006-01-08T18:03:00.000-06:00

My heart and mind in war are torn,
As I approached this part opened door.
For nothing's as sweet as love new born,
Save love that's lost and found once more.

SOOOOooooo.... hows... things...?

2005-12-23T00:04:00.000-06:00

I've chosen the title for this post because it sounds like something I'd say if I had nothing to say... which is not far from the truth. Here's what has happened.... I don't have a computer right now so the times I actually get on a computer been far and few between. Even now as I'm sitting on this computer typing away, my sister is bugging me to get off so we can leave. Ever seen the Seinfeld where Kramer waited so long to go to the bathroom that he "missed his chance"? That's kind of how I feel. Im so out of the blogging routine that I feel my creative juices for blogging have missed their chance? Maybe thats a bad analogy.... Anyhow remember those "good" blogs I promised a while ago?.. They're still on Jeremy's computer; so as soon as I get a laptop - Boxing day? - there will be some new posts. In short, I'm not dead - nay, far from it- I'm simply storing up my 'blogging juices' for the new year. If anyone checks this still, I'll talk to you soon. Sincerely, and slightly sarcastically yours, P. Rylan R. Schultz the fifth.

[postscript] I have been busy writing songs so I will be posting showtimes and recordings soon. Stay tuned for further adventures.

HEEEEYYY HOOOOOOO and Bird Scheme.

2005-10-23T14:41:00.000-06:00

Okee dokee cowboys (and cowgirls), just dropping a tiddly to say 'what's goin on' and to let all the locals know that I'll be playing at Lydia's on the 31st @ 10. You have been forewarned. It was birthday last Tuesday so hooray for me. Also, upon special request, the word of the day is Besmirched. For proper comprehension, so we can take full advantage of this vocab gem, we must break down the Latin roots, Besmir and Ched. If you recall, in Roman history, Besmir was a famous businessman and spokesperson for the common people of lower/middle class Rome. At the height of his popularity, a jealous yet foolish statesman named Ched began a competitive feud for popularity in their region. Ched is almost solitarily known for his openly slanderous attacks on Besmir's reputation. On numerous occasions he would try to ruin and cause disruptions at Besmirs rallies. At one important speaking, Ched went so far as to dump rotten vegetable juice from a rooftop onto Besmir down below. This enraged Besmir so much, that he stormed off leaving his speech unconcluded and audience disappointed. This is why we now use the word BESMIRCHED to represent a spoiled or 'stained' reputation. In our English language we have extended our ability to use this vocal imagery by adding our common suffixes such as Besmircher or Besmirchment, or even the short form, Besmirch. Some anagrams for Besmirched are Meshed Crib and Bird Scheme.

postscript: is you have any "vocab gems", use one in a sentence as a comment.

holla holla holla holla holla

2005-10-15T21:35:00.000-06:00

Well its been so long since I last wrote anything... here comes another guilt driven post. There are a couple unfinished blogs on my roommates computer, but I will get to those soon. How about we open up a discussion? Mmmm... Wine. Your thoughts. Lately Ive been really feelin it. I dont know why, sometimes I like it sometimes I dont. Favourite wine right now... Fat Bastard for white and this Inniskillen stuff Jordan had for red. Lets see, also up for dicussion.... halloween costumes. What are you planning on being? Any suggestions as to what I should be? I have a couple ideas but they are all quite extravagant. Whats new with me lately...... I put in my two weeks notice at the roofing company I am currently working at. So hopefully I will be in the studio more often and I will probably get a parttime job somewhere near my house. Im at a friends house right now and everyone is watching a movie I have already seen. Well, Ive seen the first 3/4's of it, so Im just killing time until the end. Well I guess I can always resort to ridiculous features to write something. How about word of the day and music i like. Word of the day is Pantaloons. Try using this in a conversation today. There are SO many anagrams for this word like A SLOP ON TAN or SNOT ON A PAL, I wont even try to make a whole list. Music I like today is ....... mmm theres a lot. I fell asleep to Bloc Party today which is one of my newer cd's. Check out any of their songs to get the vibe. What else... I guess since I started with sleep lets keep that theme going. Good artists to fall asleep to.. Feist for sure. Eva Cassidy, Coldplay, These Hands, Norah Jones, Ray Charles, Jack Johnson. Recent and upcoming concerts to check out: Feist and Arcade Fire were just here and Metric and Bella are coming soon so hopefully I will be hittin those. Well so long for now, hopefully the movie is almost over.

2005-09-22T22:35:00.000-06:00

I took this on the way to Calgary from the inside the car. Can you see all the bugs splattered on the windshield?

All Apologies

2005-09-22T20:18:00.000-06:00

I am writing this quick post to apologize for not updating as frequent as I feel I should. The thing is, my roommates computer has suffered from multiple virus afflictions and is no longer accessible (its fun to pronounce that ASSESSIBLE. Go ahead, say it out loud, its fun I promise). That combined with the recent events that have befallen (haha) my father and I, its been kind of a crazy week. Thanks for all the support and prayer and sympathy food by the way. So there are a couple good posts on the way I promise, just squeeze your cheeks and hold tight. I'll also be in the studio recording some of my own stuff next week so I'll post those to download as well. Hope alls well with everybody. Peace, RYLAN.

2005-09-08T01:07:00.000-06:00

This is a blurry picture of a painting I made Sunday afternoon. The cool thing about it is that it has clear glow-in-the-dark paint on it where there would be lights, like the street lamps and cars and windows and stars. Anyway I have a real blog coming, it's half done I just don't feel like typing it all out right now. Until next time, keep it clean people. R

2005-08-26T14:14:00.000-06:00

Micheal Cera and I making fun of a little chinese guy playing drums. Well we didnt really make fun of him, we didnt really have to. Imagine a 70 year old chinese man playing a kids drum set and singing "Achey Breaky Heart". Yah. If you look really close, you can see him in the background.

Well it's been a while...

2005-08-26T12:58:00.000-06:00

Hullo to everyone who still checks this... I know its been far too long but I guess that makes for a more interesting update. I'm going to keep this pretty short because I'm off to Calgary in a couple hours and I haven't even started to get my stuff together. Plus I just wrote half this post and then my stupid internet erased it. So its a been 1 whole month since I last wrote anything, but I'd like to justify that by making myself believe I've been busy. Which is mostly true.. for those that don't already know, I spent the last week plus a couple days suffering in the glorious heat of Los Angeles. But I guess the best way to do this would be chronological order. Beginning of the month: worked with my dad to pay for the trip. Not really blog-worthy stuff, just a bunch of shingles and driving around. My show at Mystic Java on the 15th went well. I'm revising and writing some new stuff right now so I will start booking shows when I get back from Calgary. And I'll try to give you all an adequet heads-up next time. I left for LA the next monday, and it was amazing. A bunch of us stayed at the LA Dream Center for a week. If you don't know what it is you can check the website, but basically its a church that helps the poor and homeless in the surrounding downtown area in LA. If you haven't been, its worth going for sure. It was my second time there so I kind of already knew what areas I wanted to help out with. I love working with MetroKidz. Basically they have a huge truck that turns into a stage and they drive to poor neighbourhoods and put on a program for all the kids. Kids are always good times. I went to skid row again which is where most of the homeless/prostitution/drugaddicts are located. That was awesome because a lot of the people down there are actually really cool. I played street ball with a couple of kids against these huge black guys. Yah we got worked over. Anyway, to wrap that all up, its always an awesome eyeopener and really changes your perspective of how we view people that are down and out. At night we went to Hollywood a couple times and also Santa Monica, which is my favourite place I'd say. We went there a couple times with Hope For Homeless Youth, which is a program for the homeless teens down there. One night we went to the promenade in Santa Monica to shop and I met Micheal Cera who plays George Micheal on the show Arrested Development, which is amazing if you haven't seen it yet. It was pretty cool, we hung out and made fun of buskers. He was a pretty good guy. Anywho, we left the Dream Center saturday night and stayed in Anaheim until tuesday. The weather was so freakin' nice I was tempted to disappear and miss my flight home.. not to rub it in for anyone who was stuck here while it was 4 degrees and raining. Oh and while I was there, I talked with this guy who's a record producer- he produced for Kelly Clarkson and was in Nick Carters band and Sonic Flood- and anyway its a cool connection to have and he gave me some really good advice. And I've been saying for a while that I'll move down there someday but I think that it might be sooner than later. But keep that on the down-low.... nothing's for sure yet..
Well this is getting long but I think the word of the day is Obstetrician. Do you know what that is? I'm sure most of the girls would... and I heard someone I know may be needing one soon, or I guess already has one... congrats... to whomever you may be...
Music I like for today is Golddigger by Kanye West, My Doorbell by The White Stripes, and mostly because its funny Bucky Done Gun by M.I.A.. There's a lot of other stuff I've been pumping these days but I'm running low on time so until next time, keep it real people.

postscript: if you haven't seen the trailer for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe I suggest you do good sirs... I almost peed my pants.... maybe just a little............

2005-08-07T14:01:00.000-06:00

well I kept it a secret for a long time, but its kinda come out in the open now so I figure I might as well let everyone know... I didnt really tell people because I figured I'd do better in front of people I dont know but now Ive decided it doesnt really matter... I'm just playing acoustic versions of some of my stuff, hopefully all goes well... oh and I haven't been blogging because I havent even finished all the lyrics to my songs yet... like the picture Kristyanne? *what am I looking at?

Birds!

2005-07-26T00:07:00.000-06:00

This is a picture I took at the dump. There are so many seagulls its nuts. So far I have only been grazed on the leg by poop, but I keep on my toes. I like to find things at the dump and throw them to see how many seagulls I can hit. Once I nailed one with a big board and it swooped at me. Theres a lot cool stuff at the dump. I would never touch any of it with my bare hands but its interesting to see what people throw out. I often imagine what kind of fortess I could make out of all the raw materials there. Also the seagulls fight for food which is funny too. Did you know there are different kinds of seagulls? Not just plain white ones.. smaller ones with black heads too... I even saw an all grey one today. Well that concludes todays edition of Adventures from the Dump. Tune in next time to hear me describe the varying smells of the dump and discuss possible uses for biohazerdous waste/ used needles.

Quote of the day: There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

2005-07-19T14:00:00.000-06:00

mmmm yummy

2005-07-17T23:17:00.000-06:00

This picture is like me and Gary Larson is a genius.

If you weren't my cousin...

2005-07-17T21:58:00.000-06:00

A funny thing has happened to me again. There's this girl I work with who's pretty cute. The manager and my dad(whom I'm now working with) were taking off to pick up a truck and made some comments like "You should go talk to Erica, wink wink.." You know, old people humour. So anyway, apparently that got them talking about it and my dad asked what Ericas last name is and yada yada yada turns out shes my third cousin. So that's kind of weird. I don't even think she knows which could make it weirder. And this isn't the first time this has happened either. A couple years ago my friends wanted to set me up with this girl they went to school with... blah blah blah she's my fifth cousin. The title of this post is taken from a show Arrested Development, which is hilarious if you haven't seen it yet. One of the characters is obsessed with his cousin (who later turns out to not really be his cousin) and he writes some love notes that he never gives her and one of them is called If you weren't my cousin. So here's the question, how distant of relation is distant enough? I mean keep in mind, back in the day people used to only want their cousins. And theres tonnes of groups around the world who keep their friends close and their cousins closer. Quote the Simpsons, "Why would we want to marry our cousins? Because they're so darn attractive." At a cousins wedding I met this girl who's my cousin's cousin through marriage twice, and I think I'd be cool with that.. I think first cousins is illegal so does that mean anything beyond that is alright? A downside or upside of marrying your 2nd cousin is that you may already know some of your relatives. So drop a comment, tell me what you think. 2nd cousins: Too close for comfort or are you cool with keepin it in the family?

Well I was going to start a new feature today called Top five, but I forgot the ones I made up when I first had the idea so were just gonna go with People I like and Logan says.
People I like today are married people because boy, do they ever fall off fast and also John Stamos.
This week the part of Logan is played by Xenu - The Mind Taker. Xenu Says: "I dig dudes."
Next time... Marriage: a bottomless pit or more of a vortex portal?

postscript: Food for thought - I think the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your city would be the huge monster genitalia. Also I finally got my moustache song, so check it out.

2005-07-09T02:46:00.000-06:00

Why? Because sometimes you just have to.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

2005-07-09T01:06:00.000-06:00

Ok people, listen up. I know I've been promising some crazy new posts and they're on their way. The deal is that our computer is busted. Straight up. I haven't even been able to check other peoples blogs. It's rough but what can do? But I'm off to Waskesiu this weekend and I'm at my parents house so I figure I might as well lay somethin down here.
So some of the things that I promised to write about were Uses for Pudding and Music You Should Like. Today I thought that instead of filling little balloons with water, you could fill them with pudding. Pudding Balloons.... so dangerous and so perfectly delicious at the same time. Also pudding could replace water in other places too. Such as say... a .. pudding bed. You could sleep on it and have a lil midnight snack out of it while you're at it. Or even a little inflatable pool filled with pudding.
As for music, I was thinking of actually burning a cd and telling you what I put on it. Unfortunately my parents have farmer-net so downloading enough songs for a cd could take two and a half years. One of these days I'll do that, but for now here are a couple of artists and songs you should check out.
Feist - Inside and Out (Cool chick, shes Canadian)
Ray Lamontagne - Jolene (The hot girl that works at CasaDelSol's name is Jolene)
Royksopp - Only This Moment (I think this is his new stuff, he's Swedish? Remind Me Remix is another good song)
Kings of Convenience - Misread (Good PEEANOO, also Swedish I think)
Elvis - In the Ghetto (Cool tune about the ghetto that doesn't talk about bling or say 'nigga uuhh')
NERD - Grindin' (Cool tune that does talk about bling and say 'nigga uuhhh'. Ahah,
its one of those lines that gets stuck in your head, and it's been in mine for the last week even though the song is super old and I haven't heard it for a long time, it has an awesome beat too)
Death From Above 1979 - Romantic Rights (These guys are good pump-you-up/road music, also Canadian but they're more popular in Europe)
John Legend - Alright (He has better songs but I can't think of the names of them)
Coldplay - X&Y (It is what it is, nice guitar)
Oscar Lopez - Classical Soul (Even nicer guitar)
Kanye West - Diamonds from Sierra Leone (I think this song is about not getting your bling from war torn countries, its an awesome remix of Diamonds are Forever from James Bond)
The Beautiful Girls - Cash Money (They're not girls and the song is not really about CashMoney, well it's more anti-cashmoney, they're from Austrailia/NewZealand, they're kinda like JackJohnson mixed with The Chili Peppers)

Now for a couple features... mmm actually I only feel like doing one, it's my favourite too. Logan Says. Logan Says: "I once killed a man and ate his heart."

postscript: Remember when I did that MoustacheCollage? Well I made a song at the same time, but its been stuck on my parents computer. I just sat here for an hour trying to upload it and it still didn't go but I'll post it up when I get back. Also, leave comments about which songs you liked and other uses for pudding. Oh, and almost forgot about this! Actually I did forget about it and so I came back and edited this post... It's not that big of deal but check this out.. I had an awesome idea the other night when I was bored.. since we've been playing a lot of tennis lately I thought "Hey why don't we get some glow in the dark paint, put it all over the net, lines and ball and play tennis AT NIGHT!" Whoever would like to join is welcome but you have to join my club first. And its pretty exclusive. And I get to hit a tennis ball at you really hard for an initiation. In other news, I've been working outside for 10 hours a day and I'm getting so dark its amazing. By the end of the summer I may need to change my name to Jamal or something.

2005-06-28T17:23:00.000-06:00

Heres a picture 'cause its cool. Found at http://alvinsdrawings.blogspot.com

Here goes nothin.

2005-06-28T16:57:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted anything recently because our computer has been broken. It's a sad thing but what can ya do. So I'm at Jordans house and I don't really have time to write anything too entertaining, but it's been awhile so here goes nothin. I aplogize if this comes across as someone awkwardly trying to make conversation when they have nothing to say but thats basically what I'm doing.
MMMmmm... Tennis. I've been playin a lot of tennis lately. Yeah, tennis is a good game. I like the swing... the swinging of the racket... also the bounciness of the balls.. its pretty fun.
And how about that creepy guy hey, pretty creepy.
Sooo been keeping busy lately? You look good, you look good.
Aha just kidding I've gotta cut this short... don't worry I've got a couple good ones in the works soon to come.
Oh but I guess I can always lean back on a couple of random features.
Mmmm WORD OF THE DAY... uhhh Scrofulous. Look it up.
People I like... Larry David and mmm lets go with Christian Bale also know as BATMAN. Good show check it out.
and Quote of the day: "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer

2005-06-21T01:28:00.000-06:00

I was going to post a picture of an elephant penis to go with the last post but instead here's a picture of the creepy guy who was taking pictures of us playing tennis. I was killing myself laughing when I busted him trying to hide his digital camera. He kept coming back so I grabbed my camera phone, walked up to the fence and said "Well if you've got some pictures of us, I figure we might as well have one of you." Its too bad you cant really see his face because it was hilarious. Beady eyes and white scruff. Wow. And nice short shorts too.

...Next time won't you sing with me

2005-06-20T01:45:00.000-06:00

A is for Apples because I was always grossed out by the kid in class who ate the core.

B is for Barnacles because its fun to say.

C is for Camera and Creepy because there was an old guy taking pictures of us playing tennis with our shirts off from behind the bushes.

D is for Delicious Coconut Bubble Tea because I love the milk and chewy tapioca balls.

E is for Elephant because its funny when their penis's drag on the ground.

F is for Freud because he proves that being screwed up is popular.

G is for Going to Bed because thats what I should be doing right now.

H is for Having absolutely no idea what you're doing because I sure as hell don't and we're only on H.

I is for I-POD because I-WISH.

J is for Juicy fruit, the gum and the real thing, because they're both so good, except the gum doesn't get your chin and your hands all sticky.

K is for Killing skunks because my brother makes it sound pretty intense.

L is for Losing at tennis because it makes me very frustrated.

M is for Music because I love it more than a fat kid loves cake.

N is for No food in the house because man I really need to go buy groceries.

O is for OK this isn't funny anymore because lets be honest here, the novelty wore off at Elephant penis.

P is for Pudding because come on, we all knew it was is coming, and hey it's pudding.

Q is for Quantum because if you put that word before a boring word it makes it so much cooler. Try it sometime. Quantum Mechanics, Quantum Leap, Quantum Cassarole...

R is for Really dumb because I'm reading this over and it is, but I'll still end up posting it.

S is for Sour Soothers and Scattegories because they both taste good? I really got nothin' here.. I just wanted to include them.

T is for Tents because I'm looking forward to camping this summer.

U is for Usurper of the Throne because honestly it's all I could really think of. And also I think it would be fun to yell. "DAMN YOU TO HELL YOU NO GOOD USURPER OF THE THRONE!"

V is for Viscosity because its a tough one to use on a day to day basis. "My Janet, the viscosity of this punch is abhorrent."

W is for When will this be over because it's taking a lot longer than I thought it would.

X is for X-men because I really hope Gambit will be in the next movie. (I checked just now, he will be.)

Y is for Yelling really obvious things at people on the street as you're driving by, like "Hey your legs are moving!" And then they will actually look at their legs to see what you're talking about. It's really funny.

Z is for ZZZ's because I am about to go catch some.

2005-06-12T03:24:00.000-06:00

This is Jordan and I modelling. Also for your viewing pleasure I have replaced the Today in History sidebar with a MusicVideo, because lets face it, noone cares about history. The only problem is now everything's at the very bottom of the page. So if you hear music, thats where its coming from. If anyone is HTML literate PLEASE help me!

Pudding and its affects on Chinese politics.

2005-06-12T02:07:00.000-06:00

Well, when I hit my blog to check the comments I noticed the counter was at 1999. So I figured I have to write something to celebrate such a momentous occasion. Possible titles were: Party like it's 1999 and Why 2K? but I decided to go with something more fitting.
I was going to write a bunch of things anyway so this might be a whole load of nothing, but to start it off I did a quick run through of my blogging exploits and here's a couple highlights.

- Who knows why it is, but simple and plain there is an allure about accents.
- "Hey, let's not russian in to anything."
- #27 - Rock someone like a hurricane.
- Who can deny the combination of tapioca balls, intellectual stimulation and blood?
- For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee
- I will also note that any unsolicited contact of your armpits to Ashley will do nothing but help the situation.
- BAM! PURPLE JELLY.
- ..So really it all comes down to Freud and his lesser known theory of "Hand Envy".
- Curiosity killed the cat. Yeeaaaaah.. curiosity....

So I was talking to a buddy and he suggested I write about the fact that humans are the only mammals to drink milk after infancy. I thought this was funny because another friend also had made this point the night before. So lets discuss, shall we? Milks friggin' delicious. Were the only mammal smart enough to realize this. It's that simple. Does anyone else have an opinion? No? Ok, I think that pretty much sums it up.
Next, I would like to talk about people that talk with their hands. We all know someone that does it. Every expression is involved in some sort of wrist-flick or arm wave. Do we really need the boy scout flagging to correctly interpret the message? I highly doubt it. My favorite is when hand talkers are confined to small spaces and they are forced to be creative with their gesturing. It's amusingly awkward. The reason I thought about this, was because our neighbours were out on their back porch hanging out/talking and one of the girls was a definite hand talker. I almost tried to figure out what they were talking about, but I could really only tell when they were describing the sizes of things. I thought it would be funny to videotape them and then add my own audio. It might sound something like, "Oh my gosh, Debby! (shoulder shove) I saw this huge wave (arm wave) topple over (wrist rolling motion) this group of midgets! (something small gesture)"
Maybe it was funnier in my head.
Well to cut this short the Word of the Day is: GANGRENE Say it slow and creepy like... Gaaaannnnnnggggrrreeeeennnnneeee
Nice anagrams for Gangrene are Nagger En, Genre Nag, and Anne Greg.
And todays new feature is LOGAN SAYS. Logan Says: "Don't get venerial diseases."
So here's to pudding, moustaches, Evgenia, this guy, the number 2000, and being absolutely ridiculous.

[postcript]: Stay tuned for upcoming blogs such as: "1001 uses for Pudding", "Interviews with Random Strangers", "Music you should like", and "If you weren't my cousin..."

2005-06-06T03:08:00.000-06:00

For those of you who aren't Kevin Janzen, heres a quick reference guide. Sorry it took so long to get a picture for the last post, I was gone to Kyle and Maureens wedding and it was good fun. So for today, the People I Like are from the wedding. Kyle and Maureen, Hal and Irene, Priya and Salvine. Like the rhyming pairs? Heres a link where you can listen to the song I wrote for their first dance. And also Word of the Day is Allegory. My favourite anagrams for allegory are: LEGAL ROY, LARGE LOY, ROYAL LEG, ALLY OGRE, GAL LEROY, ALE GLORY, and my overall favourite EAR GOLLY. "Mmm, that 50cent tune sure is an ear golly!" "Mm, indeed."

Incomplete.. err Overdone?

2005-06-03T01:36:00.000-06:00

Ok... here's a quick one about the Backstreet Boys. I never figured I'd write about the Backstreet Boys (or Backdoor Boys as we used to call them- kids can be so cruel) but their new video has become kind of a conversation piece.
You probably know exactly what I'm talking about, but if you haven't seen it, here's the jist. After a long break the Backstreet Boys are back with more stylish clothes and dramatic antics. Their new single is called Incomplete, and I've gotta say, it's a half decent song. They probably paid tons of money for it, so it better be. Now the issue isn't with the song, or even the fact that I wasn't glad even the first time "Backsteet" was back, it's just that the new video would actually be cool if the Backstreet Boys weren't in it. Super cool scenery, lighting, cinematography, but the Boys are just SO FREAKIN' DRAMATIC! I mean you've got a new image and new sound, why didn't you get rid of the old act? We got AJ rubbin' his face every two seconds, Nick and Brian are stretching their arms out and making faces like they're doing some kind of constipation aerobic therapy, and what's this? Howie's playin in the dirt like he just got out of pre-school or dropped a piece of gum. And we all could of done without the hat flip. Thanks for that though. Kevin seems like the only half normal guy.. just kind of keepin' to himself by the piano. All the trees are burnt and it probably stinks, but at least he doesn't have to hang out with the rest of them.. Howie might end up kicking sand in his eyes.
The problem is that without them the song and video are half-decent, so it's like you want to give 'em a chance but everytime you try Nick stretches out his neck and crys again.
So Lynnel and Ashley have rated them in order of cheezy dramatics.
5 - Kevin, he pretty much just kicked it, so he seems normal.
4 - Brian, the crying was a bit much.. maybe he lost some loose change in the ocean.
3 - AJ, he's pretty hardcore with his neck tattoo but the swaying and the arms kinda kill it.
2 - Nick, with the pulling and the reaching and the straining... don't hurt yourself bud.
1 - Howie, if the sand didn't put him over the edge, the hat certainly puts him at the top.

postscript: If you're wondering how I knew all their names, I didn't. Ashley told me, I swear.

Postscript to the last one..

2005-06-01T18:31:00.000-06:00

Here's a thinker... If you don't have good self-control, where do you get the motivation to develop good self-control?

Why am I still awake?

2005-06-01T02:29:00.000-06:00

Your thoughts.

2005-05-30T17:37:00.000-06:00

Hey there. Just wanted to share this with all of you. If you get it, leave a comment. If you don't get it, thats ok, you can still leave a comment. Also for some good fun, play this "guess the superhero" game. I got 19 / 21. And for general help in life, check out my comment on Kristyanne's blog.

2005-05-27T01:37:00.000-06:00

SunTree I call it.

2005-05-27T01:35:00.000-06:00

I was torn bewteen a couple options for pictures so these are my top two. One is of Jordan and I wine tasting at Christmas Party 03 and the other is one of Tyson's pictures (you should sell them Kristy-Anne).

Just flippin' wingin' it der guy.

2005-05-27T00:29:00.000-06:00

Im blogging just to blog. I feel I need to do it for some reason. I don't even know if people read this anymore. But here we go.
I figure I'll start with a couple updates and we'll go from there.
RYLANS UNFREQUENT UPDATE (cue cheezy news music: baaahh ba bum bum BUM)
Next wed night I officially start training for CFCR 90.5. That's right they're actually going to let me on the air. Jordan Redpath will also be my co-host and I'm sure we will have multiple guests. I still haven't named it yet so any suggestions would be appreciated but a couple possible ideas are: The Best Radio Show Ever Made(maybe a lil long and boastful for my taste), Uncle Dennis' Dog Patch, Pudding and Quantum Mechanics, or something else along those lines.

Also, this is kind of old already, but I did end up hanging out with Evgenia a couple times before she moved back to Calgary and it was a lot of fun. Nothing crazy to tell, just fun stuff.. we went for lemonade, drives along the river, dinner, sushi.. stuff like that(not all in the same night)..nothin crazy just good ol fashioned hanging out. I guess I'd say shes the coolest foreign girl I know. And I did end up writing a song inspired by her and I'll probably post it one of these days if I ever get my site up.
Which is also new.. www.audiovergeproductions.com Theres nothing there now but it's in the works so my company is almost official. Business cards..check, studio affiliation..check, website..check, fancy name title card for my desk..almost. Now I just need to start getting paid for the work I'm doing...

I have done and will continue to post food for thoughts, but I'm going to add a couple new features today.
People I like and Word of the Day.
Todays people I like are: Charles Grodin because he was in the Beethoven movies, Jeremy Mah and Jordan Redpath because they let me eat their food, make me laugh, and always drive me around, Alison Neary because shes sweet like an apple pie, Dwayne Ayers just because, and Tyson Schultz because hes good at stuff, makes me laugh and has good genes.
And don't worry... If I didnt today, I'm bound to like you someday.

And lastly, I will leave you with the Word of the Day: Pudding
And here are some of my favourite anagrams for the word pudding: Did Pung, Dud Ping, Ding Pud, and Dung Dip.

postscript: for pure goodness check out this cartoon called Beautiful Book from supermegacomics.com and this hilarious short called Video Dating by fat-pie.com.

Short People

2005-05-11T18:17:00.000-06:00

This is just a quick shout out to Lolliposon, Queen of Munchkinland. These are lyrics to a song called Short People.

Short People -Randy Newman

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here Short People are just the same
As you and I (A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die (It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY ALISON!

Ultimo Moustachio

2005-05-05T14:03:00.000-06:00

Without further a do, I present the moustache collage. It's a lot smaller on here, so you may have to squint, but there are at least 12 moustaches you should reckognize. Theres a special prize for whoever guesses the most.

"So, earth you say? We'll see about that.. "

2005-04-29T02:52:00.000-06:00

Next on the list of things to do: TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
ps. if you haven't checked out the sites in my PEEPS or Flippin' Sweet sections yet, then go hard.

Things to do

2005-04-29T01:24:00.000-06:00

Here are a few things I have never done before but would like to someday. There are 28 to commemerate one month since the christening of my blogmanship.
01 - Make a tower out of desserts at a buffet.
02 - Tape open my eyes and see how long I can stay awake for.
03 - Dip a frozen banana in chocolate and nuts, then eat it.
04 - Pass out from G-forces.
05 - Grow a decent moustach.
06 - Crash a boat.
07 - Have a bust made of myself making a brilliant face that can serve as a candy dish.
08 - Read the Chronicles of Narnia series for the fourth time.
09 - Unite the clans.
10 - Write a song almost as good as "Roxanne". (By the PO-lice)
11 - Make a life-size portrait of myself shaking hands (roman-style) with Gary Busey.
12 - Make a number one summer jam.
(*note: 13 is omitted because there is no such thing as a thirteenth floor. )
14 - Meet Charles Grodin.
15 - Pull the toupe off an old man.
16 - Adopt a kid and train him up to be the most powerful jedi ever.
17 - Settle down in a little place called Catan.
18 - Appear as an extra in a major motion picture (preferrably in the Spy Kids series).
19 - Beat Charles Bronson at his own game.
20 - Go do something good in Africa.
21 - To ascertain a portrait of a black child's hand petting a dove.
22 - Create a new type of pudding. (is chocolate rasberry one yet?)
23 - Master the harmonica.
24 - Duct tape garbage bags all over myself, then covered in dish soap, slide down a dew covered hill. (Wait.. done that already...)
25 - Have a TV show on a local cable station.
26 - Pick whats behind door number 2.
27 - Rock someone like a hurricane.
28 - Get married and create life through the process of sexual intercourse.

"post script": My hope is that this made you think, "There are so many wonderful things I am missing out on in life." NOW GO, LIVE YOUR LIFE PEOPLE! SEIZE IT LIKE A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF TAPIOCA PUDDING! Inspired? Pfff, whatever, wanna fight about it?

Wrongs made right

2005-04-27T20:58:00.000-06:00

I apologize but I have to make a couple of corrections to a previous post. (1) The hot foreign girl's name was not Evgelia, it's Evgenia. and (2) She's definately not married.
I was walking through the bay today(kyle was picking me up from a downtown appointment) and look who's working, Evgenia. So we start talking, no wedding band and long story short the lady that told us she was married thought she was helping her out. What a weirdo. So with these corrections in mind, she now has my number and hopefully a hot foreign style date will be on the way. KEEP POSTED, I'll let you know how it turns out.

"post script": We were talking about this situation at dinner tonight, and somewhere in there I said "Hey, let's not russian in to anything." Aha, if you know the contempt I hold for cheezy jokes and puns then you realize why this is actually funny.

The pen is mightier than the sword. Except in a swordfight.

2005-04-26T10:41:00.000-06:00

"I AM EDWARD GRIMMELSON!" Haha I've just been waiting for an excuse to put this picture on here.

The Treacherous Tale of Edward Grimellson

2005-04-26T10:36:00.000-06:00

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

White Ninja's Moustache

2005-04-21T01:42:00.000-06:00

There were so many different pictures I could've put with this last blog. Some examples are: Foreign girls holding money, Will Ferrell, me looking like an idiot, a moustache collage (which is still a large possibilty) - multiple topics I think may warrant multiple pictures so stay tuned. But I felt for today I would spread the joy of White Ninja's Moustache.

Foreign girls and Free Money

2005-04-20T23:25:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, the title itself is too intriguing, but don't worry I'll go easy on you. This blog is going to be a blog different from my normal posts, and disappointingly more like the ones everyone else posts. I'm just going to tell a little about things that have happened lately. There won't be many like this and if it gets long I won't blame you for skimming through to the parts you like.
Lets start with free money. Everyone says it doesn't exsist, BUT IT DOES! Want to know where it comes from? Alison will love this one, THE GOVERNMENT. Yah, sounds strange, but the GOV(as I now affectionately call it) is handing it out in handfuls like it's covered in leprosy. To clarify, I was calling various numbers to inquire about temporary work while I'm job searching. I called one and they gave me another number, which in turn gave me another number. The conversation was something like this... "Hey, my name's Rylan, and I'm just calling because the last number I called gave me this number. I've recently moved home and am looking for some temp. work to pay the bills while I'm job searching." -- "And whats your adress?" -- "Umm, Box 444 Dalmeny..." -- "And your full name.." -- ..I proceeded to answer his questions and he gave me a date and time along with adress to attend to. I went to the meeting and long story short... BAM, free money. Doesn't make sense? Doesn't really to me either. It's kind of an EI for those who can't get EI. Anyway, I was blown away by the amount they're giving me for FREE(it's not THAT much but it's freakin' free!), and by the resources available to those who may not have them, ex. computers, printers, resume makers, phone lines for messages, bus tickets and money for transportation: all straight up free. Couldn't believe it.
Next, foreign women. I'm going to start off by saying this is no insult to the women we have here, all fine 'n' dandy, but I'm sure even the ladies will agree with me on this. Recently, Jordan, Dean and I were checking out colognes at the Bay and the girl working was quite attractive. Good looking, great style... nice. But what really set the trap is the fact that she was from Russia and had an amazing accent. A HOT accent. Who knows why it is, but simple and plain there is an allure about accents. Her name was Evgelia, Eve for short. She was really friendly and actually thought we were funny which was nice. All a real nice bonus. Unfortunately, she was moving back to Calgary next month. Then as we were saying goodbye some weird older co-worker walks up and says, "She's married you know." Didn't really make a difference, but kind of burst the fantasy bubble. Too bad, nice girl -accents are hot. Then a couple days later we're walking down the street AND LOOK WHO IT IS , Eve. She smiled, said hi, and offered us a sesame snap. BAM!! Hot, good style, foreign, funny, AND gives me snacks? It was a situation like that that hurt the heart. In a way that we agreed after was good, and we would rather have that hurt than not have it at all. Anyway, I might write a song about the experience. It will either be called Eve or Accents are Hot.
Funny story, a bunch of us were at Beily's the other night - a crew of us are regulars for the Tuesday night live jazz. Being regulars, there is one waitress there who I have kind of gotten to know, so I told our waitress to tell Brandi(the waitress we kinda know) to come and say hi. So we get our food, we're eating and talking and here she comes walking towards our table. So I say, LOOK WHO IT IS! and right at that moment(without having heard me) she turns to the side and sits down at the table beside us and starts talking to the people there. Maybe not as funny to read, but we had a real good laugh. And by we I mean Jeremy and Jordan at me. Later she came and talked to us and I realized she didn't get the message from our server until after she had come to chat to the other people, but still that moment of slight embarrasment was hilarious.
Lastly, Moustaches. They are so awesome! If I could grow a nice one, I would have had it for weeks now. Thomas Miller posted that he will be growing one soon, and that brought joy to my heart. It made me realize that I again need to state, if you can grow a decent moustache.. LET IT GROW BOY, LET IT GROW!
To conclude, I apologize for the long one people, I usually don't have this much of an attention span.

"post script:"If you have ever been to the the-a-tre(say it with a snobby accent) with me then you probably know, I LOVE THE PREVIEWS. For your own well-being check out the the Will Ferrell movie trailers for Kicking and Screaming, and Bewitched, plus MUCH MUCH MORE!

2005-04-18T02:16:00.000-06:00

How much do I love history? This picture shows how much. What else do I love? A big cup of bubble tea while listening to good music and watching a good fight. That would be entertaining. Who can deny the combination of tapioca balls, intellectual stimulation and blood? Answer me that!

"Post Script." Pastor Marv said "post script" in his sermon today. And also I didnt use any effects on this picture. Happy Kristy-Anne?

My love of History

2005-04-18T02:07:00.000-06:00

Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?!

2005-04-12T01:01:00.000-06:00

"Food for thought"
Going along with the theme of Food for Thought, here is one of my favourite quotes and there will be more to come. "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
Comment with some of your favourite quotes. The most comments so far is 7, I'm we sure can pack in more with a topic like this.
(Check out the new features on the sidebar, and if you have any suggestions for polls you would like, let me know.)

Food for Thought

2005-04-10T18:13:00.000-06:00

Before you critcize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

p.s. Does anyone know what p.s. means?

2005-04-07T00:26:00.000-06:00

Just like the bluebird of happiness and Gary Larson's chicken of depression, I named him the swallow of idiocy.

"The crows seemed to be calling his name," thought Caw.

2005-04-06T23:53:00.000-06:00

This Blog is about birds. Something happened just now that was pretty hilarious to me. I was sitting here by my computer at home, which is in our kitchen/dining room area and has a big window beside it, in case you didnt already know. I heard this thumping and turned around and looked but there was nothing. It happened a couple times and I assumed it was some fallen christmas lights or something. It happened again but this time I noticed a little bird standing on the edge of the window and then fly up and try and fly inside. It was pretty amusing. I kinda crept up expecting it to fly away, but instead it just tried even more violently to hammer through the window. It was funny but everntually as I tried to take picture of it, it took off. Here are some Jack Handy quotes about birds.
- Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
- How come the dove get's to be the peace symbol? How about pillows? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
- I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.
- We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from that last flap?
-Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
-It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate with me. I would see him fly into the house across the way, pick up the telephone, and dial. My phone would ring, and it would be him, but it was just this squawking and cheeping. "What? What?" I would yell back, but he never did speak English.
-If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys like me.

P.S. Leave a comment about what kind of bird YOU would like be and why. Haha like a kindergarten assignment. Those were the days. I also found this hilarious poem on the internet called Bird Cage

2005-04-05T03:09:00.000-06:00

Oh and I realized I didn't put a picture with "Annabel Lee" so here it is. My brother Tyson took this one. He takes some pretty decent pictures.

2005-04-05T02:47:00.000-06:00

This is me reading up on some ancient wisdoms. I am so smart, I am so smart.. S M R T.. I mean S M A R T.. oh and by the way.. leave some comments please.. I'm obviously lonely here..

Ancient Wisdom

2005-04-05T02:30:00.000-06:00

I did a lil word association as a comment on Erin Rust's Blog the other day and it got me thinking... so I made these "revised proverbs", per say. (In a poor attempt to get some of you to leave freaking comments on here, two of the quotes are by Jack Handy, the rest are by me. You'll win a special prize if you can guess which two - Lynnel you don't count.)

A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush. But really, who wants bird crap on their hand. You know its gonna happen.

A closed mouth catches no flies. But where's the fun in that?!

If at first you don't succeed... just give 'er up man.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. "But dude seriously, its my last one."

Every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and angel gets set on fire.

Time heals all wounds. Unless its a fungus, in that case you should get that sucker checked out.

A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly. But then again monkeys are commonly known for having denial issues.

A penny for your thoughts. And a buck if you NEVER REPEAT THAT EVER AGAIN.

A soft answer turneth away wrath... But if you would've thought of that good comeback ten minutes ago you wouldn't feel like such an idiot.

A penny saved is a penny gained. But as I was playing the penny-in-water game at DQ, I just kept thinking, "one more try, man, one more try."

A cat has nine lives. But the cure for that is multiple bullets.

Curiosity killed the cat. Yeeaaaaah.. curiosity.... (The cat ones are for Aaron Jeanson)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. I wish God would've made a special fruit for annoying people.

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a... man also feels like vomiting.

Blood is thicker than water. But not thicker than pudding snacks. Hey, back off my puddin' pack, man!

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Haste makes waste. But then again, if you give it some time, it might work itself out.

Let sleeping dogs lie. But get the licking dog off my freakin lap, it's creepin me out.

Theres no time like the present. But there's always a possibility tomorrow will be better.

A dimple on the chin, the devil within. That's it. I just think that one's funny by itself.

Rome was not built in a day. But I bet if you tried real hard you could make something pretty fricken sweet outta macaroni in like 20 minutes.

The more the merrier. Unless you're talking about STD's, 'cause THAT could be a problem.

Two heads are better than one. If I had two heads I'd probably play a harmonica while eating jello.

Annabel Lee

2005-04-02T13:32:00.000-06:00

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;—
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingëd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre,
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:—
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
--Edgar Allen Poe

Creepy and sad, but still cool. I'm thinking of writing a song based on it.

2005-04-01T01:57:00.000-06:00

This is from back in my truckin' days. I guess this really has nothing to do with family outings, but I'll try to have a picture with every blog. P.S. I have recently found joy in leaving comments on other peoples blogs and even my own. I think because it makes me look less pathetic than if I were to post 3 blogs a day. I suggest leaving comments so I can mock them at a later time. And if you go to other peoples blogs through my links and such you can read through my ingenius social commentaries I leave for them.

Family Vacation Memories

2005-04-01T01:46:00.000-06:00

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

Ashleys Healing

2005-03-30T02:01:00.001-06:00

Most people who will read this are probably already aware that Ashley VanNorman has an acute case of Armpitaphobia. More specifically a fear of armpit hair. Today begins the healing of this fear. For now I will not reveal my methods of how I cure this unfortunate child, but I am revealing a collage that may shed some light on the issue. I will also note that any unsolicited contact of your armpits to Ashley will do nothing but help the situation. So please have a heart, reach out and make her touch your pit.

p.s. My favourite picture is the girl with pit hair for the fact that when I found it, it was titled "The Secret Garden".

2005-03-30T02:01:00.000-06:00

I have made Ashley a collage of diagrams, techniques, and demonstrations of various arm pits for her "healing". Also, the sketch with the arrow says, "armpit hair is sexy."

2005-03-29T00:11:00.000-06:00

me love you long time, mr. football

2005-03-29T00:09:00.000-06:00

turkish delight?! you vondruke!

High School Football

2005-03-28T16:04:00.000-06:00

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought 'Something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold.' But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

Turkish Delight

2005-03-28T15:45:00.000-06:00

This blog is about turkish delight. If you have ever eaten turkish delight then you already know... it is gross. Think of the board room at the candy makers when the guy said, "WAIT! I've got it! Lets put disgusting purple jelly inside chocolate as to ruin the taste of the chocolate so that noone will enjoy it. They will be intrigued by the name, and then excited when they see the chocolate, and then.... BAM PURPLE JELLY!" Now you'll all go buy turkish delight and they will give me money for my endorsements. (But don't go to TURKISHDELIGHT.COM or you will find pictures of foreign Women.)

2005-03-28T01:47:00.000-06:00

This is me and my blog. If you don't like it I will personally smack you in the mouth.